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Long ago and far away....
2006-03-01

The worse part was going home. I dreaded it... I put it off as long as possible. I knew that having to tell her that I was going to be out of work again was not going to go over well. It didn't.
I'm sure she doesn't realize it, but she always blames me and that makes me feel worse. You hope for a hug, or some kind of reassurance and you get "not again" "what did you do?" "and you had to buy that damn TV". We're barely speaking. What is there to say? She convieniently forgets that she pushed this position on me. I wanted to wait for one of the other two. She was all "a bird in the hand, a bird in the hand". Sigh... In the end it was my decision though.

I updated my resume, applied for a bunch of jobs and went to bed. I really didn't sleep. I guess I can't blame her for being upset the last six years have been a financial rollercoaster on my part and here we go again.
She's seen my review, nothing but excellents... well except where they thought I was too quiet. You'd be quiet too if you were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. They like me too. I get along with everybody. The HR lady says I have the perfect temperment for my job. Great...
I travel light now. No pictures, no books, just a little card file and a business card folder. I won't even need a box. Oh and two more boxes of business cards that will never be used. You'd think I'd get use to this but you never do. Another chip of self esteem chopped away. I wonder how many are left and were the breaking point is? It can't be too far away can it?
I must have done something awful in a past life because the last six or seven years here are ripping my guts out. All I what to do is find something stable. Is that too much to ask? I guess it is...

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