96 tears
2005-03-28

I seem to be the clearing house to the local sailing community in regards to the arrangements for Jim. I'd rather not have to think about it so much, tomorrow and Wednesday will be hard enough.
I figured it out yesterday, it's been almost 20 years since we met. So long ago, we were just kids. This is the third person, friend of my age circle to die this year and all of them died of cancer. Evelyn and Tony were 48 and 49. The paper today said Jim was 46. How do you deal with that? What can you say to his parents or wife or two little kids. It is NOT suppose to happen this way. IT IS NOT....
I hope they don't ask me to say anything at the wake. It isn't that I don't have anything to say... I probably have more Jim stories than anyone on the planet. For a very long time, until the kid thing came along for him, we were together almost every day trying to live life to the fullest. Lots of time we did. No, the problem isn't having things to say. It will be trying to get stuff out without breaking down. I'm having a hard enough time of it at home. We shared life together. Now we don't. That just doesn't seem fair.
It's cold and wet today and it seems appropriate. M.E. was on call all weekend and yesterday for the first time in a while lost one on the table. Even for professionals it isn't easy. Today she is on jury duty and puppy and I hanging. He is a very good listener and also makes a damn fine pillow on occasion.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. Stay safe.
Me

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