Not what you expected
2005-03-09

All has not been well since my return from paradise. We found out we missed my cousins husbands funeral on Saturday. I had to go to a wake for the mother of a friend I've known since the first grade and we got a call Monday night that Jimmy is dying and could I please stop by the hospital and try to cheer him up? Sigh...
Of the three, Jim's condition is the one that has me down the most. We are about the same age and have been friends/sailing rivals for 20 years. He married one of my crew, Ms Mush and they have two little kids. They had just bought a new house, he had a job he liked and life was finally getting to be where he wanted it all his life. Then this.
Since they moved to the sticks, I haven't seen as much of Jim and Mush as I use to. I knew Jim was sick, but I was getting all my information second hand and the last I knew he was doing fairly well against the rare and extremely agressive cancer that was wrecking everything in his path. My information wasn't either accurate or up to date I guess.
Well, that has changed. The doctors are no longer giving him hope. He looks 70, is on oxygen and has several tubes and IVs keeping him alive. His wife looks horrible from too many sleepless nights and his mom (breast cancer) and dad (prostrate), both of which are very sick aren't much better.
I made up a book of old pictures, happy memories, trips together, funny stories, sunsets, races done togehter and races done against.... He barely had the strenght to look. We talked, well Mush and I mostly talked at him. When he did respond it was in just bits, muffled by the mask. It was really hard to see one of the most alive people I ever knew laying there like that. I stayed maybe a hour and he was asleep when I left.
I left the book there when I went home with the promise that I'd be back. I gave Mush a big hug and told here if there was anything they needed, anything... You wish you could do something, but you know you can't do anything but be there and that is never enough.
I left pretty close to tears knowing full well that I might not get another chance to see him again. He looks so bad and is so sick that who knows how long he'll be able to hang on. I'll try again tomorrow. I hope that will be soon enough. He told me before he fell asleep, "I'm fighting the good fight and we are hoping for a miracle." That's all you they have left is hope I guess. You shouldn't have to lose friends at this young an age. Sometimes life isn't fair.
The job front isn't much better. One job won't be calling me back for a week or two. I may have botched the last interview with the one I really wanted. The one I was sure I'd get even though it was the worst position? Well, if they fill it, it is mine, if... There never was an if before. Not a good last few days.
I appologize for those coming here looking for happy vacation tales. I promise to get to that but this morning I just wasn't in the mood. For those of you with a religious bent, do me a favor and say a prayer for Jim and his family OK? For those of you who aren't, just please keep your fingers crossed or try and send positive thoughts. This family needs all the help they can get. Sometimes life is just too short. Too damn short.

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