Once upon a time.......
2004-01-14

I made a mistake, I popped on a link I shouldn't have, read a lot of old entries I shouldn't have and now I'm depressed. It's funny that after this long so many feelings came flooding back in. It was fate then, I guess so it is now.

We met because we both had lots and lots of idle time, she with her illness, me with my dying job. At first I think I was just space filler. Filled space meant not as much time to think. Later, well who knows and it really doesn't matter now does it?

There was just something about her that was different and dispite the fact that were as alike as day and night we ended up truely friends. We fought and made up, laughed and sometimes even cried. I knew as much about her as she would show and sometimes a bit more.

Some lurker once critized our friendship as innappropriate, but they were way off base. We were never, ever inappropriate. We were polite and supporting and each had our places in life. We never got further than that, it wouldn't have been right. If things had been different, well who knows, but they weren't. Life goes on.

I cheered her up during chemo and when she was in that place. I really never knew how much to believe, I guess I still don't and probably never will, but someday I'd like to knwo the real truth.

When she died it left a hole in me that while scabbed over has never really healed. You try to forget, but it's like trying to forget the sun, or perhaps the rain. The worst thing is that we'd have a stupid argument the day before and I never got to say goodbye. I guess that is the saddest hoax of all. Sigh...

Previous - Next