Darkness on the edge of town
2003-10-21

It was just weird. Too much laughing and joking, too many boat pictures, trophies. It wasn't a party, it was a wake damn it.

I'm not sure who's idea it was to give him a fake tan, or dress him in short sleeves with a big racing watch. The racing hat was OK I guess, but the sunglasses threw me. He didn't look like him.

Everybody there was happy, and yet I felt like crying. Perhaps I was the one out of place? It certainly felt like that. I paid my respects and pretty quickly exited out the back. The quiet was reassuring.

I took the long way home, thru NEWP0RT and ended up at the YC for a grapes. It was quiet there and I raised my glass. It seemed more fitting than the circus I had just come from.

I decided to have dinner alone in a noisy college bar/restaurant. One of the waitresses looked like Molly from NO. Always a good thing. I just queitly ate and left. The ride across the bridges seemed appropriate.

Life is too short sometimes.... and sometimes it isn't. I can see somebody in pain with no hope of getting better wanting it to be over. But what if there is hope? What if the pain is self induced? I never think that way, but I know people who do. I've always figured that when my time was up, I'd accept it but untill then, fight like hell. We'll see... It is the one scenario that doesn't allow do overs.

Later...

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