Race day so of couse rain is in the forecast.
2003-06-18

The June wedding planned for Charlie's daughter has been postponed a year, if she lives. Her long bout with anorexia has her in the hospital again. Even though she wants to eat, I don't think she knows how any more. Her body has been trained not to.

It really is too bad, she is such a sweet and talented kid who should have everything in the world to look forward to. Instead what she has to look forward to is death. She so much wants to wear the antique lace dress. If you starve a heart for long enough though it does stop working even if it never stops loving. Sigh...

I'm amazed at how much I thought I knew in my 20's. You think you have all the answers. That if you can't figure out something, it is because the world is conspiring against you or the problem is unsolvable. Exuberance and surity make up for experience. Things were very much more black and white then. Now I'm much more able to see the shades of gray, and that death is the only insurmountable problem. Everything else is subject to negotiation.

We found out last night that Big Tony has cancer, bad. It has pretty much spread to most of his major organs. He is going to Boston for an operation that will probably mean that if he survives, he'll never be able to eat real food again. It's hard to imaging life being fed through a tube.

Last summer he had one of the best times ever, pretending he owned our boat and sampling every barrel of free drinks at the after race party on B1ock Island. You have to make an effort to hang on to good memories sometimes. The bad memories hang on all by themselves.

Only three more days here. I have mixed emotions. I haven't been sleeping well so I guess I'm more stressed than I like to let on. That has so been the story of my life. Good old Ron, nothing gets him down. Like Hollywood movie sets, the casusl viewer never knows if it is a real building or just a facade. You canonly tell by getting a different angle and I am fast on my feet. Three more days until the great unknown... and life goes on.

Welcome back Meegan. You were missed. Happy Hump day all!

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