The BErmuda Triangle has moved into my Kitchen
2002-12-16

The Bermuda triangle now exists in my kitchen. Yesterday while doing dishes, I started to get a headache. Then my vision got blurry. Was I having a stroke? Acute angina? Not so cute angina? None of the above. It seems one of the lenses in my glasses succomed to the forces of a loose screw and gravity.

I tested this theory by poking myself in the eye where the lens should have been. Nice... Noting more refreshing than a nice poke in the eye when you aren't expecting one. I had heard a "plink" a short time earlier so I knew the lens had to be in the kitchen. How far can a lens travel? It's not like they can drive or anyhting. A simple project, find the lens, and put it back in. Easy...

So we looked and looked and then looked some more. No luck. We even swept the floor (thankfully with the holidays iw was going to have to be done eventually any way). Dispite all this extra ordinary effort it just didn't show. I had to go to the old back up pair with the chip on one side. Several more serches were alos fruitless. Could it have jumped into the oven? Nope.. Refrigerator? Nope.. Ahhh the mysteries of the universe.

I should have known it was going to be a bad day. It started with me being awakened from a sound sleep to a blood curdling scream. Were we being attacked by space aliens? Was Jeffery Dalmer back from the dead and banging on the front door? Was it the IRS? No....

As I dashed into he living room still half asleep it was something worse than all of those. My rabid Christmas tree had decided to attack M.E. again. Now why it only attacks her and not puppy or I is another mystery like the Bermuda traingle in the kitchen. Maybe it perceives a specific weakness on her part. Maybe it just likes girls. They do smell better as a general class of creature. Either way, this is the thrid time no I have to beat the damn thing off her. This time there were casualties. I found ornaments scattered far and wide and broken plastic and glass was prevelant. Sigh.. What a way to start your day. The tree is now tied to the window with some pretty sturdy string. Take that sucker...

Well since the day was already shot to hell I figured I might as well wreck the remainder by finishing up the rest of the Christmas shopping. I always have a quest for the unfindable. Try locating park benches and bird baths this time of year. In summer you can't take a 5 minute drive without somebody shovign a gazing ball or birdbath in your face, but in December? Noooooo.

Fortunately I am an experienced hunter. I tracked down all my stuff and managed to get them home in one piece. I did this with the help of my friend Sam Adams. My shopping is now complete. All I need to do to make the holiday experience complete is to get writers cramp tonight filling out those damn Christmas cards. Joy to the world... blah...

We're expecting another 8 inches of snow today. Is 7:30 am too early for eggnog?

PS at 10:30 last night while in the sensual experience that is national Lampoons Christmas vacation the mystery was solved. The "plink" went on replay in my head and I realized it was metallic. Metallic? What the.... hmmm So into the kitchen I went once more and sure enough, under the counter in the sauce pan I had washed earlier was my lens. Happy Hoilidays

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