And the banker never wears a Mac
2002-12-04

Life is always interesting here in Lil Rhody and when there isn't something political or theatrical to keep us amused, we entertain ourselves. Such was out quest to capture the wild lawn tractor last night.

It started out as a simple plan, my friend Steve, Neil the banker and I were to head to moms old house corral the elusive but free tractor and deposit it back at the old Ron homestead. A simple but elegant plan. Ahhh, we do know how to have fun.

Of course we had to pick the coldest night of the year to accomplish this task and when I get to the Club where we all agreed to meet, problem number one arises. Neil does not have a coat.

Now don't ask me why on a day where the high hit 25 degrees he decided he didn't need a coat. He had gloves and a nice white dress shirt but nothing warmer than that. His excuse, "I spend most of my day inside, why do I need to bring a coat." Duh... We decide to get one at my house since it is on the way.

Steve shows up and we have to debate which truck to take. The general consensis is that mine is too small, Neils is too big and shiny and that Steves while the oldest and the one with the least traction has ramps so it is elected. We pile in and head to my house for a coat. On the way we almost take out Johnny the chin and his psycho pup out for a walk on my unlit street. Interesting.

The rest of the trip to moms old place was uneventful except for the high pitched whine that came from Steves truck at speeds over 50 and the constant breeze from the outside that managed to find it's way inside. Hey he got the truck for the bubble and he was helping me. I didn't complain.

We pull into the driveway and the garage door is open. This is going to be easy. Steve pulls out the ramps and I find the garage lights. The snow thrower attachment is sitting in the nearly empty garage. The tractor is not. Hmmm

Now my moms husband does not process things like normal people. You could as easily find a tractor stored in the basement or attic as you could where you expected to find it. I am not surprised that it is not inthe garage. You wouldn't look for icecream in a freezer would you? Oh, you would? Never mind....

After a quick look around and no luck, I call mom. Her verdict, it is in the yard along side the garage next to the float boat. Well I checked there once already (See I know how things work) but I recheck just to be sure. No tractor.

There is much discussion and alternative two is raised. This one I am sure is the right one because it makes no sense what so ever... it is under a large oak tree at the farthest point of the yard. So we grab a flashlight trek out into the snow and sure enough, there is a big black shape under a tree way at the other end of the yard. It is a black tarp and under the tarp is the tractor, frozen to the ground.

Well the three of us get it uncovered, and after much effort get it unstuck from the ground. We even managed to get it started and moving for all of 15 feet. Then it died and we had to push it the rest of the way to the front yard. Have I mentioned it was snowy and cold? Well it was.

We got the thing all the way to the driveway and only got stuck once, we hit a railroad tie hidden in the white stuff.

We realize there will be a problem getting it up into the truck bed, the ramp spacing is too wide. Well I scrounge a piece of plywood and we are ready. The first attempt goes very badly. The wheels will not stay straight and we almost crash and burn.

We try plan B. On person on each side, with one driving and one person in the back. We get a big head start, cross our fingers and..... Bang we make it almost all the way in. The front wheels are stuck in the gap between the wood and the tailgate, but this is easily solved we shove it the rest of the waay in, find all the misc. parts and we tie everything down for transport.

Cool... until we try to close the garage door. It refuses to shut. Various wheels heep jumping out of the tracks and dispite mild persuasion with and 8 pound sledge, we cannot get it A: aligned and B shut. I call moms and relay the information. She advises.. Bob will fix it. I rationalize that she no longer owns the place so it is no longer our problem. We hit the road.

Unloading was lots easier but way scarier. Think 400 pounds of uncontrolled momentum in ice rink like conditions. Some how we managed to get things both unloaded and covered without any major physical carnage. Then we headed back to the club where I bought several well deserved rounds. Oh yeah, I even got my coat back. Mission accomplished.

Happy snow blowing... well there is some assembly required. maybe lots of assembly. There are brackets and belts and oh yeah I still have to get it running again. Talk to me in April and I'll let you know how I made out, but if you see a black shape under a tree at the farthest part of my yard, do me a favor, don't ask.

Later folks....

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