Sucess story?
2002-09-18

I left early to come to work this morning. I planned on putting in some extra time because I have to leave early tomorrow to hit the lawyers office. The re-fi of the mortgage is finally going to close. Traffic however foiled my plans. Three major accidents including a tractor trailer roll over that blocked all but one lane of 95 in Providence meant that I got in late, not early. I'm in a bad loop.

I went to the my experamental drug clinic last night and wasted an hour of my life. The stuff I was on was showing some marginal benefits.

My family has messed up immune systems. While they work pretty well at keeping out the stuff they are supposed to, they aslo work pretty hard at going after stuff they shouldn't. Joints, skin, friendly bits of body that mean my immune system no harm get ambused by what are supposed to be allied cells. When the weather gets cold, it seems to get lots worse. Not a good thing.

I was taking a new study drug. Two injections, twice a week. Giving myself the needles was not a problem. You get used to it. I was on a slow (maybe VERY slow) road to improvement. But, the study protocol said that at the place I was at, I had to stop so things could be re-evaluated. It's been two weeks and I have deteriotated back to square one. The doctor does her evaluation, says, in a cheery voice, Hey, you are a mess. Then she adds up some numbers and says that my condition has to get twice as bad as it is now to go back on the drugs. WTF?

According to the study protocol, I'm a sucess. According to my body, I'm not. Needless to say I was very depressed. They tried to cheer me up, but frankly I'm almost ready to tell them to forget it. The only saving grace is that I get paid to go, $25 per visit and the extra money will be helpful when the stupid check finally comes in. I've been fighting this damn thing for so long and there never seems to be an end. Most of the heavier drugs have made me seriously sick. One attacked my liver, another made my blood pressure almost double. This one hasn't had any problems, but only works maybe a third as well. Still, one third is better than nothing right?

Winter is coming and that is the worst time of year for me. M.E. wondered why I was depressed last night. Wouldn't you be? My brother was there last night and they said he is responding well. Sis responds well to the conventional drugs without side effects so thats the route she takes. I wish they'd find something.

I need to call to call Neil to see what the final resolution on the escrows for the loan were. In the paperwork they originally sent me, the bank was escrowing like 6 years of insurance and a full year of taxes. I don't think so. I also need to call the diver to get the bottom all slippery for Sundays team race. It is suppose to rain. When it does, it pours. Like I said, I'm in a bad loop. Something has to change. I'll keep hoping.

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