Rudderless man
2002-07-11

Well, I certainly have been here enough today... Haven't said much but it is the thought or lack of thought on occasion that counts right? Right? I guess entertainment isn't my strong suit today. I can live with that.

I don't know about you, but I always try to figure out how I fit in the relationships I have with my friends. With Steve, I know on the surface it looks weak. He'll blow off the small stuff on occasion, but if I really needed him, he'd be there. You can read that through the lines. I always thought that about Brian until he failed to come though enough times. I'd probably still give him another chance. I'm stupid like that. I still keep hope. With Neil, well he's my best buddy in the whole world...unless someone from a higher social stratta comes along. Then it's Ron who? I understand why he's like that and I know he can't really help it so it's Ok I guess, but you can't have too many people like that in your life. They use up too much emotional energy. With Scary my family and M.E. there are no doubts. They let you know exactly where you stand. The coolest of places most of the time. No doubts, no wondering, just honesty...ah honesty.

On line is kind of like real life but harder. There are no physical clues to go on. Just words that can be taken more than one way at times. Some people here like Robin, I'd trust my life to. She would never hurt me Others, I'd maybe trust to hold my lunch. LOL I'm lucky really. Other than my long departed e-stalker all my friends here are pretty nice, provide positive feedback and seem to people you'd like to hang around with. I laugh at thier joys, feel sad at their tears. They are a part of who I am. I'm sure their lives are more complex and there are sides of things you just don't see here. Perhaps that is just as well. Hurt is still hurt in person or via computer.

I had a guy from a sports board harassing me. To him, argument is his sport and the keyboard his weapon of choice to prove his manhood. I decided to ignore him and he went away. Nobody likes to do things that seem unproductive. Everybody wants to think they matter, that they just aren't space filler until what you really want comes along. I'm glad I don't feel like that often. Life is too short.

Hmm, a good omen that the day is changing? "I'm Your Captain" by Grand Funk is on.

I'm getting closer to my home.....

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