Sort of the lost post of last Friday
2002-06-24

Last week, PoeticaL talked about getting "THAT" phone call. You know the one that turns everything from on line romance and from afar adoring to oh hell his is real life and what am I doing here? The one that makes you so nervous, yet so excited. The one that brings the future to the present or brings it to a close. I made that phone call once.

It was a while ago now. I was in a bad loop. I had just gotten out of the marrige from hell with the ex who could not/would not fight the deamons who tore her up from deep inside. If you have been reading long enough you know the whole story, if not, the Readers Digest version is she finally had an affair and I was free. PHEW!

So what did I do? Of course I went back to what I knew. A classic rebound situation. I was back in the fire. This time I realized my mistake right away and then I was turely alone for the first time in a long time. I mostly handled it OK, some days were worse than others. One bad day on the roller coaster I posted an on line personal ad. The next day I got cold feet an pulled it. Too late I had a reply... Robin. She had never answered one before, but something told her to reply to mine. She didn't expect a reply. She got one.

Robin and I hit it off right away. She was one of the few people in my life that could make me laugh at any time. A true gift.. We fit together on lots of levels and so the relationship grew. We spent hours running up each others phone bills, talking till the wee hours of the morning (She lived outside Seattle). She was cute and smart and loving. What more could you ask for. It got pretty serious for a while. Too serious I guess. She was begining to get cold feet. Twice divorced She just wasn't the chance taking kind of person any more. I had to find out, so... The call.

Robin, I'll be at the airport next Friday... I'm not sure I want you to come. Too late, non-refundable tickets, I'll sleep in the airport I guess if necessary. No, I'll be there. I hoped she would be.

Flying cross country and wondering if you will be met with an empty gate is a scary thing. My stomach was a mess. I drank wine to calm my nerves and to try to get some sleep in. It didn't work well. We finally we landed and I walked out the plane and there she was. A really beautiful sight. We hugged and kissed and I told her I loved her. I didn't get a reply. Opps...

We discussed things in her little crappy car as we drove to the hotel. She wasn't ready, might not ever be ready to get serious. Well, I had my answer. I've always wondered if it was really her or if it was me. I could see why somebody might be disappointed...

Either way, now we had the weekend to spend together in a one bedroom room on the water in one of Seattles nicer hotels. Awkward? Actually no... We still fit together fine. We watched tug boat races, and dead fish relays (don't ask) We hit all the tourist spots and she screamed when the guy in the outside market when one of the fish on display jumped out at her (it was on a stick with a guy behind the display moving it). We went through the seedy side of Seattle, feared for our lives once or twice and ate dinner in nice restuarants. We danced in the lounge. At night we fell asleep with my arms around her. Just sleep, nothing more but it was nice. I tried to get her to see, how things could be, but I knew, I guess we both knew that it wasn't going on from this. I guess thats why we hung on so tight for those 3 days. At the airport gate, I told her I loved her again and this time she said it back, but I guess we both knew that from a romance point, it was over. It was a LONG flight back.

So what happened you wonder? Did we become bitter? Heartbroken? Ruined for life? Surprisingly no. We've stayed best friends. If she needed me I'd be there in a minute and I know the reverse is true.

A few months later I first met the lady who was to become my wife, so for the first time in forever timing was not my problem. That worked out for me better than I could have possibly imagined. Robin made me realize a lot of things about myself. Things that made me a better person. I like me a lot better now. This is a good thing.

She has been dating this guy there forever. I hope she finds what she wants in life. I invited her to the wedding, was sad when she couldn't come. You see, romance is pretty common, but really good friends are so rare that you do what ever you can to not let them slip away.

And so I won't.

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