Liver for sail?
2002-04-01

I'm hungry, I'm bored and I've already thought about death way too much today. Funny how you can go long periods and never think of it and then, there it is, smacking you in the face. I'm coming up on another birthday at the end of the month, only 2 more years to make it to where my dad died. I guess that would be something of a victory, passing him.

It's not that I really expect anything to happen to me. I'm the survivor type. The one who makes it through the carnage so others can have someone to lean against. I guess there are worse crosses to bear (Easter metaphor).

There were two people I read here that lost people here over the weekend. I can feel the sadness in their words. I know those feelings all to well.

When I worked at the liquer store as a second job, I had all kinds of people stop by just to talk. Bartender syndrome I guess. It was good for both of us because I used that job as a space filler. Donnie had died the year before and dad had cancer bad. I just had too much time to think.

One guy I barely knew but liked stopped by and talked to me for a couple of hours one night, Kim. He seamed kind of down on things, not depressed but sad. He talked, I mostly listened and comiserated. He wanted me to go out drinking with him after work. I said I'd like to but I had to be up for 6:00 am for the "real job". He said he understood, hung around for a while longer shook my hand and left. Later that night he killed himself. I was shocked. I had no clue. I wonder if I had gone, could I have changed things? I'll never know.

I know Charlie is just waiting for the phone call that everybody knows is coming sooner rather than later. I don't know if he will survive it. losing a kid has to be the worst thing ever, but losing one because she won't eat has to kill you. Charlie blames this guy for getting her messed up. If Katie dies that guy had better find a way to be invisable.

UGH, enough of this.. I still have the rest of the day to get through. I got the new speakers put in the boat cockpit and they sound awesome. I managed to figure out the hardware for the mainsail and put that on Friday night solo. A project.. I put in the new bell too and ordered the new mainsail cover. M.E. doesn't know. It will be ready next week. She will flip out. She loves surprises. She'll also be happy to know I just booked the cruise she wants to go in next February. Lots of money, but i have time to pay it off. Now that we have booked, her sister has no excuse not to. She wants to go, money is tight, but hey that plays all aroung you know?

Looks like several of the friends are on board. The more the merrier. Can I sign up for a new liver now?

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