I just want to bang on the drum all day
2002-02-01

Yeah it's Friday. I am so glad this week is almost over. I checked my Monster this morning and there was a job there that sounded exciting. General Manager of a modular construction start up. Building a factory, work force the whole works from the ground up. It sounded interesting, so I popped them a resume and a personal email. Not likely I'll get it, but what the hell, the worse they can say is no.

Dinner last night was better than I expected. The conversation was mostly good, a few hints were dropped wondering if I would be interested in coming back there. No Fn way. If they changed management maybe, but bored is much better than frustrated and pissed off all the time.

The place we had dinner in is a old VFW hall, kind of ordinary, birch panneling and folding chairs. The chef rents the space and sells the food, the club sells the drinks and pockets that. You get two bills. The food is absolutely spectacular and inexpensive as are the drink prices. We stayed 2 1/2 hours.

The conversation later in the evening turned to kids. M.E. and I don't have any. We don't plan on having any. Just too late in the game I think. The ex and I never had any either. She knew she would be a bad mother, she couldn't care for herself so a kid was really out of the question. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like, but not as much as I use to. I guess if M.E. had wanted one I would have been cool with that.

Listening to other people talk about their kids gets old fast. Oh waitress, another wine and some No Doze please?

People always tell me they think I'd have been a good father. I am pretty good with kids, especially if you get to send them home after a few hours. I Think I would have been a very over protective dad. I tend to sort of be that way any way, and my experiences with my brother and the friends I lost back in the play days leave their marks. I know kids need to be able to fly, just don't leave the yard OK?

Some of the people I read here were abused as kids as was the ex. What in world could make a person who is suppose to be protecting and nurturing a young life abuse a kid sexually. I mean what has to happen to a person to twist their mind that way? I've seen up close the scars that stuff leaves. They go very deep and can mess up a person for life. If the people you trust to protect you end up hurting you that deeply, than what can you trust in in life? So they don't trust, often become self destructive and life becomes a big search for inner peace. There has to be a very special place in hell for child abusers. They deserve the worst that can happen to them.

My friend Robin now suspects that her probably soon to be ex fiance has hacked her AOL account and has been reading her mail and diary. Thats a major violation fo trust too I guess. Not a good way to try to win back someone you supposedly love. I hope the next guy treats her like she deserves. Then she can invite us out there to sail on HER yacht.

later

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