Thsi entry is about nothing!
2002-01-21

UGH, I am bored to tears today. It is cold rainy and there is absolutely nothing going on at work today and I am having all kind of problems self motivating.

On a more positive note, I did get a nice note from someone.(Thanks Willow)an email from Wendy and an IM from Jeannine. Damn, I work in this back office without windows, and it is quiet here, and nobody bothers me, but I guess I must miss the contact, because the notes and email make me happier than I suppose they should. So shoot me, I like geting email of the non-junk variety.

Wow, this is so bad I don't even have anyplace to go with this.

I was talking to a friend Friday and we both commented on how weird it is that we seem to always remember the stupid things we have done in life more than out big accomplishments. I can remember all the times from the past when I said or did dumb things, froze in front of a pretty girl, failed at things that I really wanted. The sucesses, of which there are more seem to be more blurry. Blacks and grays, while the failures mock you in living color. Why would your own mind treat you like that? Is that why I strive to suceed at times and other times go with the flow? Sometimes you just have beat back the endless loop of failures that runs in the background of the mind yet other times it isn't as important? I had someone say to me Friday night that I am really coming into my own lately. Am I? Hmmm, Interesting question.

Some of this might be why sailing is so important to me. Besides calming me down, I know that every time I go out on the race course, I have a real chance to win. Maybe thats why I like keeping all the awards in one place (OK it's the basement, I don't have that big of a head LOL) They are a reminder, something tangible that I have suceeded at something visable. During the dark times with her, it was the only thing that saved me I guess. I owe it more than I can ever repay.

Hmm, for nothing this ended up longer than I expected

Previous - Next