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Water, melted and frozen Not much interesting happened last night. Just a pretty lazy night at home. I was flipping thru the channels and E (which I never watch) had the story of Natale Woods on. She was an actress who drowned falling off her boat in California a bunch of years back. I guess she was terrified of the water, but loved being on the boat. Seems like an odd thing huh, but I'm exactly the same way now. When I was younger I never use to shower in the summer, I'd just bring my bar of soap down to the old rock quarry up the street, swim a few laps and wash up there. Most to the time I was solo, but it never bothered me. Now I'm like Natale. Give me as much time on the water as possible, but keep me out of any water over my head. I guess it is understandable since I watched my 15 year old brother get pulled out of water that wasn't even over his head. They figured he panicked. I could never understand that then, but I guess I can now. I am a VERY strong swimmer, but the panic, when you know you can't put your feet on the bottom and still breath.... I really think my whole inner personality has changed over the last several years. I use to be harder, less affected by the pain of others. Now it bothers me a lot. Watching by dad slowly die of cancer at 49, is that to blame? I use to carry him to the bathroom at night and then go down stairs and cry and pray for him to die, because it was better than living like that. Did that leave scars? I know the depression from that whole stage was one of the reasons I married the ex. She was a worse phycological mess than me. I could help.... Wow, this is getting long and depressing. We are suppose to get a major snow storm tomorrow night so hopefully during the day I can get all the stuff I need to get done, done. Then we'll build a nice fire, open a bottle of grapes and watch the Patriots hopefully beat the Raiders. See, life does get better :-) Later me
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